“I wish i was thier phone….”

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So im looking through my Facebook feed (whilst bub is sleeping) and this picture hits me right in the heart, a little boy  with what looks like his parents hands holding mobile phones with a caption that reads ” I wish i was their phone… so they would hold me and look at me all day”

kids,parents,technology

Such a powerful image that had me thinking how much time do i actually spend on my phone and better yet how much of that time is when my son is around? I took note throughout the day and noticed im on my phone at least once every half hour for up to 10 – 15 minutes at a time. That’s a lot of time to be loosing watching our babies grow up. Im often complaining about how quick my son is growing and yet here i am with my head down for quite a bit of time during the day missing out on all that growing and learning.

Social media and the internet is an exciting place, i love it hence the reason i spend so much time on it, i google my diagnosis every time im sick, i seek opinions when im unsure, it’s a brilliant thing, but just maybe if we look up once in a while we will see life is passing us by, put the phone down, grab your babies and go smell the fresh air outside, chase butterflies , throw a ball and just explore before your babies are to big to want to be around you.

After seeing this image it has made me really think about the time im spending with my little boy and am now conscience of what im spending my time on, i know im going to limit my time on my phone because i want to experience life with my kids and teach them that socializing with people is fun and healthy and far better then having your head focused on a screen all day.

Im sure many will disagree with me and that’s fine but i ask this, next time your on your phone have a look at the attitude of your child, do they look sad, are they feeling left out do they need more attention?

Until next time

-Realhonestmum

 

Grieving easier with Kids

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This month will mark 12 months since we lost my father to cancer. It’s been a bitter sweet time for our family and one i’m sure has been easier having our son around.

I was a daddies girl through and through. He was my hero and the first man i loved unconditionally. A man not traditionally a kid person but always made me feel loved and wanted which is what any child wants right? so you can imagine our heartache when we were dealt the news that dad had stage 4 cancer. The worst stage possible with a prognosis of maybe 6 to 12 months to live. I remember the night so clearly when dad broke the news. We were sitting in our lounge room, i was holding our then 4 month old son in my arms and i broke down the minute i heard the word Cancer. I think that word alone is death so i wasn’t really sure what to expect. My dad was super healthy. Never smoked, never drank or took drugs, ate healthy, so we all had hope that he would beat this. What hope do the rest of us have right?

We spent as much time with dad as we could but even now i wish we spent more time just chatting, life gets so busy particularly with a child we forget the important things in life and forget that just spending time with family and loved ones is just as important as doing the groceries or hanging out the washing.

We had 1 last great day with dad on Christmas day in 2014, a catered lunch at home spent with family. A 1st Christmas for our son which made it extra special. Dad was weak but was able to eat and laugh and enjoy his grandson. I believe dad held on for this day and because of that we will cherish those Christmas memories forever.

Boxing day was when we knew we didn’t have a lot of time, we lost dad in late January 2016. Even though you know its coming you can never prepare yourself for the loss of a loved one. I honestly believe that the only thing that got me through that whole experience and 2015 was my son. My crazy, wont sleep, stubborn, frustrating at times son.

I’m a true Aries, i’m strong and stubborn and hold everything in but i think motherhood makes you even stronger. Although every day i think about how my son will never grow up with an incredible grandfather who would have taught him so much i know that his memories will live on and hopefully help to guide the path of my son’s future.

Children seem to bring smiles to our faces even when we are sad inside, they take away the hurt with just one hug and keep our minds busy with the crazy adventures they get up to.

While life is busy please take the time to spend time with family and loved ones but also appreciate that even though they may frustrate you at times, children are truly a blessing, not just to help cope with death and hurt but to keep that light and love alive that you may feel your loosing.

The next challenge will be explaining death to a child, hopefully this is a few years away yet.

Until next time

-Realhonestmum

 

 

Being more than a mum

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Is it just me or do you sometimes feel that all you can remember being now is a mum?

For as long as i could remember i was a career woman, i started working at 16 and didn’t stop until we had our little boy, im now 31. Over the last 20 months i have enjoyed although frustrating at times being a mum however im now at the point where im starting to realise that im soo much more than just that. Yes we often hear people say that your not just a mum, your a housewife, a cook, a cleaner, a driver, a comforter, a parent but we are so much more than that. We are strong women who can juggle bloody well and if motherhood has taught me anything its that.

Be the best mum you want to be but dont forget who you are and what you are capable of along the way.

My new years resolution for 2016 is to do something for me, it might be to do a course, learn a language, join a charity or just make some new friends.

Is this selfish? who knows, i mean in this day im sure there will be people out there who think so but i know if im happy, my children are happy and my husband is happy then life is good.

Check out these interesting survey responses from a survey ran my netmums.com

Not just a mum survey responses – COURTESY OF NETMUMS.COM

I would love to hear your thoughts, how did you get your mojo back?

 

Until next time

-Realhonestmum

Toddler + Technology = Debate

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I think every parent must go through this debate at some point in their child’s life.

You are either debating with your partner, your friends, strangers or a lot of the time with yourself about that very sticky question. Do you let your toddler watch tv, or better yet do you let them play with your phone or Ipad.

As expectant parents my husband and i were both on the same page that we would not let our child watch tv or play games on our phones or ipads till at least they were 5. Actually a time limit wasn’t discussed we simply did not want them to play with anything related to technology. Now as a parent like a lot of things we have changed our minds slightly.

Before i explain what or why we have changed our mind, let me explain why we made our original decision.

My husband and i would often go to dinner before we became a family of three and what would annoy the crap out of us would be seeing families out to dinner and the kids with their eyes glued to an ipad playing games, to us this was so disrespectful. We have always viewed dinner time as family time or discussion time and we often wondered why parents allow this when they go out. Was it because it was the only thing that would keep the kids quiet so the parents could have a peaceful night out? Was it because these days parents have no control over their children or was it just the way life is now. Are we the ones living in some time warp and haven’t moved with the times?

So i asked the question to these parents and their response was that they would much rather have there child seated at a table well mannered and occupied then screaming and carrying all for all patrons to be annoyed at them. So being a parent i can almost see there point, but… and here is the big but, what did my parents do and your parents do when they went out to dinner with us? I’m pretty sure i didn’t have an ipad keeping me entertained. I remember being told in the car before we entered that if i wasn’t good i would be grounded or in trouble when we got home so i happily took the pencils and coloring activity sheet that i often received at restaurants and spoke when i was told and we all went home full and happy.

We were recently on holiday’s and stuck in the room due to rain for three days. My 11 month old was going crazy, so we resorted to getting the Ipad out and playing a kids show. Our son was mesmerized for about half and hour, just enough time to get our sanity back. So maybe these parents are right, maybe technology assists with taming our children.

So now, im contemplating whether we are being hard parents and not moving with the times or simply good parents who should be able to occupy kids without using technology.

The answer? well im still undecided. My though process is i will wait and see what happens. If there is one thing i have learnt being a parent is that nothing is set in stone, things you thought you would do you don’t and things you promised you would never do some how make there way into your day to day routine. I guess the point im trying to make is you just never know until your in that situation. I hope i can raise my kids to be able to sit at a dinner table in a restaurant and behave like humans without the aid of technology to get them through the night, but ill guess we will have to wait and see.

 

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Share your experiences with the introduction to technology with your kids. How did you implement it, what rules do you have?

 

Until next time

– Real Honest Mum

 

Where does the time go?

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Ok, so when people tell you kids grow to fast so enjoy every moment, they were not kidding. It’s been 5 months since my last blog, yes i feel guilty but for those who have kids, you would know your day’s can never really be planned and what you thought you could do isn’t necessarily what happens but here i am giving it another go.

My son is almost 12 months old and the sunshine of my life. Who would have thought i would grow to enjoy this parenting thing. When days are tough he always knows how to make me smile and for that my life has changed for the better. Yes it’s hard at times and wow.. do i miss sleep but yes, I’m going to say that old cliché line… i wouldn’t have it any other way.

Being a parent isn’t easy and we all have our ways of coping and dealing with the day ahead  so i thought i would share my 5 tips that may or may not help, suit or excite you.

1. Find something that you enjoy drinking (other than Alcohol) and have a drink first thing in the morning. For me it’s coffee. I need 2 of them every morning. After i have them i feel energized and ready to tackle anything the little one will throw at me.

2. Find an escape that can occupy you for a few minutes every couple of hours in the day. I know it’s not easy sometimes to find this time but even if it’s while your little one is eating, or sleeping. Keep in mind it doesn’t have to be for long. It could be reading through a magazine, reading that favourite line in a book or for me its scrolling through Instagram and Facebook. What can i say, im a social media magnet. But hey, its something i can do without having to think, only takes a couple of minutes and for some reason after that im then ready for the next house chore, nappy change or grocery shopping trip.

3. Im always on the go, my mind travels a thousand miles an hour and when im doing one thing, im often thinking about something else. Because of this i feel like sometimes i don’t appreciate being a parent. It wasn’t until about 2 months ago that i realised how quick time goes, i would often find things to occupy my son so that i could sterilize the bottles, or prepare dinner, mop the floors or do the washing. Yes these are all important day to day things we all have to do but now i make the time to spend at least half an hour a day just playing on the floor with my child, it might just be reading him a book or letting him jump all over me. The special thing about this time is i bet you will realise something that you hadn’t seen before. A new facial expression, a hand gesture or even a word. It really is rewarding,

4. Parent Forums are a great way to learn, laugh and feel like your doing an ok job. Ones that i follow are on Facebook, a big one is Mummy Madness. For me it’s not necessarily about asking advice but more seeing what other parents are going through. Often questions will be asked that you might have been thinking about, or issues that might arise with your little one that now puts you at ease knowing others are going through the same thing. It also shows you that more often then not other parents are having a harder time then you and your life or situation doesn’t seem so bad. Every now and again a discussion gets heated and put a smile to my face seeing all the passionate parents out there. Go ahead and start searching for a forum.

5. Day Care has saved my sanity. We put our son in daycare for 2 days a week when he was under 6 months old. We got negative feedback and criticism and i felt terrible for the first week. I went back to work part time and i honestly believe it has made me a better mother. I have my adult time to breath a little and work doesn’t seem so bad any more. We were lucky that we found a great centre and they adore our son and he enjoys his time there. Over the months we have seen him grow into a very social happy boy and we believe that day care had a lot to go with it. Even if for just 1 day its not only great for you but also for there development.

 

Remember these tips aren’t for everyone, like a child every parent and parenting style is different. What works for one wont necessarily work for another. I hope at least 1 tip can benefit you. I would love to hear 1 tip from you all, maybe i can benefit from you. Feel free to write a comment below.

 

Until next time, hopefully sooner rather than later and don’t forget to enjoy every moment because it really does go to quick

 

– Realhonestmum x

When to ask for help

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If you are anything like me, stubborn, independent and want everything when i want it, then im sure asking for help from anyone has always been a hard thing for you as it has been with me. This became very apparent to me once i had a baby, i expected it to come easy, that i would be able to manage on my own no problems.

I was planning on still working from home, as well as helping my husband with his business and was excited at the prospect of being a perfect housewife and mother. The plan was to work in the home office during the day while the baby slept, after all i had been told that all a newborn baby does is eat, poop and sleep then in between feeds i would also attend to the house stuff, cooking, cleaning, washing all that fun stuff ( can you believe i was actually excited to do this). My goal was to have everything done with dinner on the table by 6pm for my loving, supportive, hard working hubby.

You can imagine my frustration when at 2.30 in the afternoons i was still in my pyjamas, hair a mess, smelling of spew, boobs sore my eyes bulging out of my head and a baby that just did not like to sleep. I think my biggest mistake before going into this parenting gig was i had such high expectations of myself of being able to manage everything and be in control of everything, those of you with kids will understand this completely… you just have no control over a newborn baby. It will do what it will do and all you can do is jump on for the ride and appreciate every sleepless night and accept every day that is wasted, after all these beings we call babies are time wasters whether we like to admit it.

Coming from a broken relationship with my own mother, it has always been on my conscience the sort of relationship i would have with my own children therefor i wanted to do everything myself, not rely on anyone else apart from my husband but if im totally honest, it doesn’t matter how great you are everyone needs help. I was lucky enough not to be diagnosed with post natal depression but i can completely understand how easy it is for some women to head down that path. The whole ” shaking the baby” syndrome, yep can understand that now also. Don’t worry i didn’t shake the baby but those times when all they do is cry and you don’t know what wrong with them at the time shaking seems like a pretty good idea at the time. It was those times i needed to take a deep breath and realize that this baby was relying on me to fix what ever problem it had so even though shaking the baby may have made me felt better at the time, it’s never the option to solve the problem. If you are or ever felt like this, it’s ok you are not alone. It doesn’t mean your a bad mum, it simply means that help might be just what you need to get through some of those tough days and night.

My help came in the way of Karitane. A clinic that helped with settling and sleeping issues. Simple yet effective techniques had me returning home 4 days later more confident and a much happier mum with a much more relaxed bub. When i was refered to go to Karitane, part of me felt like i had failed as a mum, that this place was my last resort to make things right and to succeed at this new job but now my feelings have changed. I feel proud to have stood up and asked for help. This has made be a better mum and set me on the right path to being the best mum i can be, whoever that might be.

Its only now nearly 5 months on that i am relaxed (most of the time) and really am starting to enjoy motherhood. Oh and dinner is on the table around 6pm some nights, and washing might stay there for a day or 2  and im OK with that.

So please ask for help, take that offer of someone hanging out your washing or making you that coffee, it’s those little things that can make all the difference.

Thanks for listening, see you next time.

-Realhonestmum x

Why did i become a parent?

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This is the question i often asked myself for the first 8 weeks of my sons life. All sorts of questions were going through my head and also my husbands. What had we done? why on earth did we want this baby? Why cant i have my old life back?

Dont get me wrong, i love my son but this was a major change we were just not expecting. We didn’t think it was going to be all roses but no one really ever tells you just how hard being a parent to a new born is.

For those first time mums, i don’t want to scare you, i simply want you to have all the facts not just the fun, fluffy stuff that people are more than happy to share.

My husband and i have been together for 12 years, our life isn’t perfect but pretty close to. We love traveling, going out, and enjoyed dining out a couple of times a week. We were one of the last couples in our group of friends to have a baby, we were always the couple that didn’t want kids, we knew we would eventually have them but weren’t to fussed about when until the dreading big 30th birthday was approaching.It was then that i realized i was getting older and if i wanted to have a baby then i would have seriously start thinking about it. The decision was made that we would try.

We were fortunate enough to fall pregnant right away, then the planning started. As the months went on we got more and more excited about this little human entering our world, im not sure if it was the baby or the setting up the nursery that was the exciting part. Looking back now i realize just how ignorant we were as people towards parents and kids. Out thinking was that this baby would fit right into our life and we would still enjoy the finer things that we always had. A time when i would walk down the street and see a crying baby or a snotty nose toddler on the floor screaming because he couldn’t have that lolly, my response was ” if that was my kid, id slap it” or “thats the parents fault” now my instant reaction is feeling sorry for that poor parent.

How silly we were to think our lives wouldn’t change. 9 months later i was induced 2 weeks due to Cholestasis, a condition that effects your bile, in lamen terms made me itch all over. Could be dangerous and cause stillbirths. After 10 hours of excruciating pain, without any drugs except for the gas pushing and yes it is true when they say you poop while pushing, pretty hard not too    ( mind you this was something i had read and was dreading) keeping in mind my poor husband was by my side the whole time, i was rushed in for emergency c-section due to baby not being able to pass through my pubic bone…. my thoughts on this were HELLLOOOO arnt our bodies meant to go through childbirth? why does my pubic bone not want to communicate? Not at all did i wonder if my baby had a big head..which he didnt incase you were wondering.

A c-section was something i didnt read about, after all i never expected to have one, my advice  to all expecting mums is read everything you can about all scenarios when it comes to pregnancy and labour, you just never know whats going to happen, having a birthing plan i believe is a waste of time, sure think about your options, discuss what methods you are against but be open to everything and please….HAVE THE EPIDURAL…. it will save you a lot of pain.

Fast forward 2 days, we get to bring our beautiful little boy home, excitement, adrenaline and happiness was flowing until the first night, and let me just say any women who decides an elective cesarean has rocks in her head, the pain your in is excruciating espeacially when your having to deal with a newborn every hour or 2 throughout the night, lucky for a supportive husband otherwise i don’t know how i would have coped.

The next 8 weeks were hell, not only trying to recover from major surgery but trying to work out this little being that couldnt talk and tell me what he wanted. There were definatly days where i didnt want to be a mum anymore and as much as it sounds harsh i don’t think i really liked him for those first 8 weeks. I was even starting to feel bad that i didn’t love him yet. I was lucky that i didn’t end up with post natal depression, but i can understand how easy it is to spiral into that feeling and the whole shaking the baby syndrome, don’t worry i didn’t do it but some nights i could have.

As your reading this, you are likely thinking 1 of 2 things, the first might be, wow i cant believe how selfish this mum sounds, she should be grateful as some couples cant have kids, i say this to you, i am so grateful, having so many friends on a tough journey to parenthood and it seemed to come so easy to me, looking back 4 months on i couldn’t be happier, a question that was once asked ” can you imagine your life without him?” i then replied “absolutely i had a pretty fantastic life thank you very much” now if that same question was asked of me i would reply ” yes i could imagine life without him but now i don’t want too. i love him, he makes me smile every day, we take the good with the bad and i wouldn’t change anything right now” however ask me this question when we are going through teething and the answer may be different.

The other thing you may be thinking is, finally a mum who tells the truth, tells it how it is, makes me realize that every one goes through the same things. To you i say it does get easier, trust me i didn’t think it would either and every time someone said that to me i wanted to punch them in the face but it really does, that or you just become adapted to this new life called parenting.

This has been my first blog post, i’m sorry if i bored you with the little details, i hope each post you read you get a smile out of it and know that we are all in this together.

I’m not here to give you advice, as a first time mum i dont think i have that right yet, i just want to share my experiences and hopefully help to make it that little bit easier for you all.

Stay tuned for my next post about knowing when to ask for help. Ill also be adding a page of reviews on current baby and mum products that i have had experience with.

Feel free to leave your comments and thoughts i would love to hear from you all.

Until next time, good luck, take a breath and smile.

– real.honest.mum

Welcome

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Welcome to real.honest.mum, a blog of my life as a first time mum. Yes, im sure you have read many blogs from mums before, as have i. As you all know, no child is the same and therefor no experience is the same. My reason for this blog is simply to gain my sanity back. I needed an escape, an hour a week where i could express my feelings and thoughts about what it’s like to be me as a mum.

My hope is that my experience and honesty can bring a smile to every mums face for that small amount of time to take a breath and no we are all in this together trying to be the best mum’s we can be.

Follow me on this wild, crazy, frustrating, draining beautiful journey we call parenthood.